It was a Chinese New Year yesterday it means the road will be quiet and peace along this weekends. I have no plan to go anywhere due to my health conditions, I preferred to be home and make myself busy with nothing. Honestly, I can feel the different lately. Am easily feel tired by doing nothing and it’s really uneasy! I’m tired of being sick, I want to get better like before. Freely doing things that I love, cleaning the house, gardening, cooking and all those things that make myself busy all day long. I’m tired of being tired and sick all the time. I feel weak, and I can’t do anything about it, sometimes I feel like to remove this arm so I won’t feel the pain anymore, it make it harder to cope with my shitty situation. I was fighting and beaten down losing my way out, my mind was shaky I was unable to focus on things surrounding.
Hrmmm living in this house makes me feel so empty, watched tv laying down switching channel to channel felt so pathetic! I’m losing interest in everything, I know I’m not supposed to turning this way but what else more I can do to get things get better. Deeply am afraid I wouldn’t hold on if things get even worse than what I was thinking or I might going crazy by the situation. I don’t know myself, I feel of quitting.
Thanks sayang for be there when I’m almost breaking to piece, thanks for listening to my unfinished and repeated sick story all day. I know there’s a time I’m too grumpy and uneasy to handle, teasing you in many ways with my unstable emotional. Thanks for traveling along the way just to make me feel good and keep on taking to me day and night, how I wish I could do more than I can to make things better. Im too afraid of being alone and overthinking about everything, my mind getting drained from trying to get things back like I used to be. I’m totally sunk into deep depression handling things and scared if the day comes when I lost hope to live.
