I've reached a point in life where it's no longer necessary to try to impress. If they do like me the way I am, that's good. If they don't, that's too bad. I been smashed for so many times, standing and putting back together but nothing is where it should be. I want to be loved like others but nothing seem like love be on my side. Behind the smile there is a stories, the stories of loneliness and heartbreaking. Things comes and go, the happiness won't stayed longer as I always wish. I choose to leave my heart away unattended, I am pretending to be strong to leave my life away. Making myself busy with my daily routine, work that I may need to attend everyday. The commitment with the only girl left at home (my grumpy lil Cikka) not much of fun as Cikka such a arrogant lazy butt Scottish cat! The fun wasn't much as when xoxo was around. Life turning slightly mellow, nothing so interesting but I just make things worth as much as I can and enjoy with it.
I admit, I was unable to love Cikka as much as I love xoxo, I wish but the sense of love seem not the same like I had before. I feel so sorry to Cikka, I am the one to blame! I give my heart away when xoxo was alive, I been hit so bad when she has gone. Lesson that I take, I shouldn't love my pet more than what I should give to them. Hoping I still have the strength to heading forward.
It been while since my last update, wasn't like before but I won't forget. I have so many things to share but it's fair to say that things have been a little busy in the real world lately, leaving not enough time for other things else. A lot of changes and responsibility I have to carried around in the office, but I always take positively. Responsibility added with a new exposure that I have to tackle, I have been holding the same position in the company for more than 6 years. Enough said of being a Personal Assistant, involved in projects management and some others operation matters. Things are just goes well as those are just my bread and butter on my warm plate. How do I address my desire? I am not a money digger nor a materialistic person but I am seeking for a sustainable living a better way of live. Not too much of personal requirements, It's just fair enough to have a better job, even though not from a well-known organisation like before. Like some said 'better to be in a small pond where people may recognize you" so I choose to stayed. The beauty of the teamwork and the understanding between the team members developed more fun to enjoy my daily life.
I am not a morning person to wish the sunrise everyday, I have to force myself to worked to survive and to attend to my owned commitments. Simply said work is not everything for me but I knew I am not in the position to denied life needs. The more you earned the more you need in your life, same goes to me. I have debts just like others, paying bills every month for my condo, my car, the place that I rent, credit cards and my daily expenses. Counting the whole figures, I may said that I have a very expensive lifestyle but that all counts to comply. I believe there's always a way to overcome everything as long as you know how to use to brain to think and dare to pursue. Job?? Hrmmmm I love my job, I love all the people around me although I knew some are not happy with my presence. Dealing with office politics, gossip, bullies, conflict and dramas, just a colors of the whole things. I won't bother to impress like other did to get more intention, I just want to be happy, being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means you've decided to look beyond the imperfections. Enjoying the present moment is a habit that takes practice, finding a reasons to be happy where can benefit my future. I can't predict the future by judging base on what I had, may need to stayed calm on positive emotion for mentally focused. Leave a side to have a successful marriages, stay focused and enjoyed a greater sense of well-being. Consistent a long-term happiness subjects to life's highs and lows.
Everyday is a new opportunity for me to be better than yesterday, I now look at the things I do as opportunities to get better from one day to the next but not too obsess of perfection in straightening my goal. I have no idea what people could say about me, the value? capability? challenge ? opportunist? Whatever it may called! stayed focusing on small improvement and mini goals, I'll naturally move myself towards my larger dreams. The dreams that makes me free of everything!
