As the day
goes on I seem to get more bloated day by day, things surrounding seem like
never giving up squeezing my nerves ups and down. I am here again from a
thousand miles away before the year reached to the end of the chapter for this
season of life, holding from updating the blog quite some times since the last
update. If I were a computer server, I will be the first goes down due to
overloaded database in my system. Haiiihh! So many things happening at
once, I am so grateful no matter how many times I get down when
things doesn't goes up, depressed just like others, disillusioned in
many ways, beaten up by some unhappy individual, been rejected oppps do
I?? Hohoho, abandoned plan huhuhu, disappointed with unfulfilled desires,
stressed out here and there, aimless, sadness by a limitation in my thinking +
broke, I must always find a way to re-awakens my soul. Yes I did!
The
bittersweet of life treasure is truly remarkable, and at the end I am just the
happy person with the way I am and enjoying this journey ahead by myself by
things that I have done. As I remembered the most memorable moment I won’t
forget in my life happened this year, the day of 25th Oct 2014, it was a public holiday of
Awal Muharram. The day where I lost my other half away, the day that she leave
me forever. The day that make me cried all the way, how could I believe, she’s
gone without a words. I leftover speechless blaming myself for the careless
where cause my lost. I was unable to accept the facts that xoxo has gone, I
keep on telling myself she’ll be fine and will be back to me, and I will found
her around. But I was cheating myself, holding the tears pretending like she’s
still around but unknown. How long more I should wait, she’s not turning up but
those evidence enough to tell that she is truly gone far away. She was found
dead tragically, I left half a breathe, how
I wish this is just a bad dream but it's wasn't. God has lend me the
most beautiful thing in life, it’s time for me to let her return to where
she belongs. My loved for her is beyond words, I’ll missing her beyond measure,
it was given such a great gift. Nothing will remain the same anymore, the joys
will be remembered till the end of the breath. Xoxo left a sweetest memories
and she’s the best ever thing happened to me. Reminding myself that a good
things didn't come every day
and to ‘redha’ for what had happened. No doubt, too much of emotional involved
especially when I have to recall about xoxo, she’s too special and the one and
only amazing gift I ever had. I feel so thankful that I’m able to be a part of
her life. Allah may know what the best for me, or maybe xoxo has been sent it
over as a self-trial assignment for me to have a great full filled to
appreciate the beauty and wonderful things including peace of mind and serenity
and an abundance of love for myself, Allah and more about everything. May Allah
blessed.
As life must
go on, the day without her is totally not the same like before. She's won't be
there anymore waiting for me everyday like what she used to be. I missed the
way she's nagging and messed things surrounding. I missed everything about her.
Trying harder to adapt slowly even though deep in me was crying so badly. I may
not know how or do the right way to pray but I knew Allah is always listening.
From too much love of living, from hope and fear we set it free, that no life
lives for ever. 11 months of experiences meant a decade memories. I’m thankful
for the ability to share the strength, it’s something that I take as a
responsibility and obligation to handle as best as I can. Many thanks for the
lessons of love and the companions of laugh and care. Xoxo, if only you may
understand and could hear me, you will be the first thing I wish to bring back
if only RIP meant return if possible. Mommy missing you so much..:'( Rest in
peace Sayang.
