Monday, November 21, 2016


Ya Allah,

Without knowing the reason you make me awake until this hour..I know you are the only one who listens and forgives every time I asked no matter where I am. You are the only one who understands my reasoning and the only one who understands my actions. Of all you are the only one who deserves to punish me for my actions and the only one who can make this go away. I believe in the things that you do for you will ease the pain and help me be a better person out of these.

Of all I wanted to be... please make me a stronger person today and even better for tomorrow. It is no longer bearable for me for my heart is aching and you are the only one who knows how I feel. Nothing is making sense to myself and for anyone else for that matter especially to the one person I wish to understand me better than anybody else. 

Too much of pains being alone...I don’t dare to question why this is happening to me because everything is set in stone and you are the only one who knows best. I believe in you Ya Allah. I believe in the goodness you blesses me with and the hardships you put me through. I believe in you...I believe that if you are willing, someday, all these will be worth the pain and hurt. 

Only you knows, I don’t know what is the best for me. They come and go and I'm not dare to answer to those who will question my next decisions and I certainly don’t answer to those who question my faith and intentions for it is you who knows better. But somehow, I am too weak to stand alone with all the pain. I am too weak to reason and there are just not good enough and being only a human, I wish at least to find it in hearts to stop assuming the worst of all. I just need to be loved like others...being with the person who really love and care for me in good or bad of myself. 

I know you are always there listening... listening to my heart all night long. Help me get through this Ya Allah. For once at least before my last breath, please give me the strength and open the hearts of those who have hurt my feelings to ask for your forgiveness as my heart belongs to you. Please help me to open up my heart to adapt and accept and allowed me to know you better and bring me back to you. 

I am only a human with sins bigger than any anything that visible to human eyes. Forgive me Ya Allah. Give me the strength to hold on to the only thing that’s making sense right now. My faith in you, you know what is best for me and if the only way for me to deserve it is by having to face all these, I accept it with an open heart and mind.

Tonight, just like other night but I can feel the difference that you putting on me. The pain you leftover it's really make me miserable, and I have to stand even more stronger. I understand what you meant by trials and tribulations to refine my soul before ends. For that, Alhamdulillah, "Aku Redha Ya Allah dengan ketentuanmu" but please, give me the strength and give me your guidance and signs so I could make it right for what I did wrong.
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